Kohli launches AUTO-Biography – “DRIVEN”

Virat Kohli has been in terrific form of late. And by of-late I mean, since he was born. Some low-life wanna be writer has written a book on Anushka Sharma’s boyfriend and it has been released today. The book is titled “DRIVEN” and is an Auto-Biography. So by all means, we can bet that this book is about cars, bikes and driving. 

As an AUTO-biography we asked Virat why there was no mention of Autorikshaws in the book. To which he gave our boy in-house Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala a death-stare. As the title speaks for itself, the content of the book is very “Driven”. Expect lots of information and knowledge about Cars, Tires, Bikes, Motorcycles SUV’s, sports-cars and much more. 
We wonder why Virat invited former cricketers to launch his book, and what connection Virat has with being on the book cover. If the book is about Driving, what does Virat have to do on the front cover of it? Sehwag, Kapil Dev, Kavi Shastri, Anil Kumble and many more were present for the launch of this book. 

We’re still unsure what the book  has to do with Cricket, but oh well, they can do whatever they want to do man. Lets hope I get some important information from the book about buying my next car.

Cameraman KAmil Yusuf ksaath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

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Ravindra Jadeja celebrates Karwa Chauth on Twitter

Sir Ravindra Jadeja, the perennial useless boy of Indian Cricket is known to be quite active on twitter. Today, on Karwa Chauth evening, he expressed his views on twitter. Aparently, Jadeja’s wife wasn’t ready to do Karwa Chauth for him. She does not want him to be her husband in 7 janams. Hell, she doesn’t even want him for 7 years in this life. Anyway, Ravindra Jadeja took his frustrations out on twitter and went on quite a rant.

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See for yourself, the tweets Jadeja has been posting point to the fact that he has no idea what the fuck is going on in this world anymore. He’s been irrational and ridiculously childish. His immaturity has hit a new low, as his twitter rants show signs of eccentricity and schizophrenia. We hope he recovers from the mental illness soon.

We tried to reach out to Ravindra Jadeja’s daddy, Ajay Jadeja who again declined to comment on the matter. Ajay Jadeja insisted that he is not the father of Ravindra Jadeja. He flipped his shit when we asked him if he had disowned poor old Ravindra because of his mental illness of being a certified chutiya. Only a father knows the emotional value of his son in such difficult times. We wish Ravindra Jadeja’s wife all the best. If she’s feeling lonely, she can reach out to Rowdy Cricket for company, any time, day or night, preferably, night.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Raina out of 2nd ODI vs NZ, due to The Viral Fever (TVF)

Reference: http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1062195.html

Last week, just hours before the First ODI between India and New Zealand, we at Rowdy Sports informed you how Suresh Raina faked his fever by holding an Onion in his armpits.  Well, turns out, Raina is actually really really sick.

Raina loves Onion

Raina has been in the ODI squad against New Zealand but has spent most of his time in the dressing room. To stay out of the playing field and scorching October heat, Raina did what he could to raise his body temperature. Holding an onion up his armpits was the best decision to get support staff thinking he has fever. However, now it seems Raina’s fake fever has turned into real fever.

The news out of the Indian camp is that Raina has been hit with a case of the Viral Fever. He is ruled out of the ODI and will spend more time in the dressing room with The Viral Fever Youtube Channel guys to shoot a short skit. Raina’s twitter account is proof, that he is a fan of singing and comedy. Remember, when he faked his nephew tweeting to the Pakistan team to GTFO out of India?

Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever
Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever

Anyway, now that Raina is venturing into the YouTube comedy world by associating with The Viral Fever (TVF), it seems we could see him on our phones and computers more than the TV. We at Rowdy Cricket wish him all the best in his new direction in life of being a YouTube comedian.

Birthday Boy Kumble Poops all day

October 17, 2016 marks Anil Kumble’s 46th birthday. Anil Kumble, the current head coach of India has had an illustrious career as a spin bowler. Kumble is a humble man, and loved by all cricketers he played with, except my grandfather, who never played with him, but hated him. While the world lovingly calls Kumble, Jumbo, my grandpa referred to Anil as The Hunchback of Notre dame.

The players and support staff of the Indian Cricket Team celebrated Jumbo’s birthday by ordering a Jumbo birthday cake for him. Our main man, Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala has exclusive information, that the cake for Jumbo weighed 18pounds. Nobody knew where the cake came from but they found it at the hotel room that Kumble was staying in. Kumble, like a hungry jackal pounced on the cake and gobbled it up in a matter of seconds. His friends and family couldn’t even smear enough cake on Kumble, thus rendering Kumble’s birthday party a huge flop. Smearing of the cake is now a ritual and if not performed, the birthday party is considered a flop. To make sure your birthday party is a hit, smear the cake on your face.

Kumble has had memorable birthday parties before, like in this picture.

Anil Kumble

Where former Indian players didn’t allow him to eat the cake.

Now that the cake has been devoured by Anil, he has had quite a rough birthday. Since, the cake touched his stomach, Kumble has been feeling uneasy and has spend most of his time in the bathroom sending poop selfies to his close friends. Apparently, the cake was infused with Jamaal Gota, the famous Indian Laxative. Doctors have been informed but weren’t able to look after Kumble because of him being locked in the toilet all day. But our best guess is, Kumble has had a hit of the Dysentery or as they’re known in my household – Loose Motions.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Kohli promotes Anushka’s Film

Virat Kohli is in the golden period of his career. There is no stopping to his epic masterclass with the bat on a cricket pitch. He proved this once again, when he scored 85* not out in the chase against New Zealand. Although, an easy target, India seemed to lose the top order quickly but Kohli had to be the Fevicol of the batting line up.

 

When asked about his form and classy innings, Kohli chose to promote his Bae’s movie that’s coming out soon. Virat credited his form to Anushka’s positivity towards him and dedicated his knock to Anushka Sharma’s upcoming movie “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil”. Sanju Manju the presenter interviewed Virat on his connection with the fans and how the fans look up to him now, here’s Kohli’s reply – “Main kisiki zaroorat nahi, Khwahish banna chahta hoon”. This again, was a direct quote from the movie “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil” starring Anushka Sharma, Ranbir Kapoor and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan.

It’ll be interesting to see how Kohli performs in the next few One-Day International matches against New Zealand, as the schedule coincides with the buildup to the release of his bae’s film. We wish them all the best and hope they make cute little babies.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Rohit Sharma FOUND!

After what seemed like hours of search operations to try and find the missing cricketer Rohit Sharma in Dharamsala, we can now breathe a sigh of relief. Rohit Sharma was deemed MISSING yesterday and there were doubts over his inclusion in the first ODI against New Zealand being played LIVE right now.

Rohit Sharma MISSING!

To the respite of viewers and followers of Rowdy Cricket, we would like to let everyone know that Rohit Sharma has been found. Apparently, Rohit had wandered off in a public restroom and was locked by local goons. He couldn’t call anyone with his new Panasonic Camera phone since he forgot to insert a sim card. However, after loud roars and knocks on the door a local civilian of Dharamsala, Himachal Pradesh opened the door to find Rohit sobbing and stuck in the bathroom.

However, Rohit is now found and safe. He is on the field has also taken a catch for the first wicket. It’ll be safe to say, Rohit won’t be wandering off into the abyss anytime soon. Let’s hope he cracks another double century today for India.

New Zealand 23/1 (3.5 ov)
Rohit Sharma
Rohit Sharma

“Ravindra Jadeja is not my son” – Ajay Jadeja

Ajay Jadeja

After years of speculation and rumors, Ajay Jadeja has finally come out and cleared the air. Ajay Jadeja, who was India’s strongest middle order batsman in ODI’s during the attitude era of Indian Cricket, is tired of the gossip and false allegations. Ajay was famous for being a dashing cricketer with a finisher tag. His adventures in the film industry and Celina Jaitley are well documented. Recently, Ajay has taken up commentary duties and was asked by a fan while on the mic about his relationship with Ravindra Jadeja.

ravindra_jadeja
Ravindra Jadeja, the useless boy

Ravindra Jadeja, has always been a useless boy and is in the team because of his stupid antics in the dressing room. He’s like a clown, who murders sanity and rational thought. Ajay Jadeja has denied having anything to do with Ravindra Jadeja. He has gone on record and said the following during the post game highlights package-

“I’m sick and tired of people asking me if I am Ravindra Jadeja’s father. Clearly, I’m not. One, he is far too ugly to be my son. Two, I was a much better cricketer than he ever is or will be. I don’t understand why people like to link our names just because we have similar last names. It baffles me at the thought that I could be anything but related to this piece of shit being known as ravindra. RAVINDRA JADEJA IS NOT MY SON! Damnit”

Ajay stormed out of the media box after expertly commentating on the situation, never to be seen again.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News Karachi.