Raina out of 2nd ODI vs NZ, due to The Viral Fever (TVF)

Reference: http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1062195.html

Last week, just hours before the First ODI between India and New Zealand, we at Rowdy Sports informed you how Suresh Raina faked his fever by holding an Onion in his armpits.  Well, turns out, Raina is actually really really sick.

Raina loves Onion

Raina has been in the ODI squad against New Zealand but has spent most of his time in the dressing room. To stay out of the playing field and scorching October heat, Raina did what he could to raise his body temperature. Holding an onion up his armpits was the best decision to get support staff thinking he has fever. However, now it seems Raina’s fake fever has turned into real fever.

The news out of the Indian camp is that Raina has been hit with a case of the Viral Fever. He is ruled out of the ODI and will spend more time in the dressing room with The Viral Fever Youtube Channel guys to shoot a short skit. Raina’s twitter account is proof, that he is a fan of singing and comedy. Remember, when he faked his nephew tweeting to the Pakistan team to GTFO out of India?

Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever
Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever

Anyway, now that Raina is venturing into the YouTube comedy world by associating with The Viral Fever (TVF), it seems we could see him on our phones and computers more than the TV. We at Rowdy Cricket wish him all the best in his new direction in life of being a YouTube comedian.

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Birthday Boy Kumble Poops all day

October 17, 2016 marks Anil Kumble’s 46th birthday. Anil Kumble, the current head coach of India has had an illustrious career as a spin bowler. Kumble is a humble man, and loved by all cricketers he played with, except my grandfather, who never played with him, but hated him. While the world lovingly calls Kumble, Jumbo, my grandpa referred to Anil as The Hunchback of Notre dame.

The players and support staff of the Indian Cricket Team celebrated Jumbo’s birthday by ordering a Jumbo birthday cake for him. Our main man, Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala has exclusive information, that the cake for Jumbo weighed 18pounds. Nobody knew where the cake came from but they found it at the hotel room that Kumble was staying in. Kumble, like a hungry jackal pounced on the cake and gobbled it up in a matter of seconds. His friends and family couldn’t even smear enough cake on Kumble, thus rendering Kumble’s birthday party a huge flop. Smearing of the cake is now a ritual and if not performed, the birthday party is considered a flop. To make sure your birthday party is a hit, smear the cake on your face.

Kumble has had memorable birthday parties before, like in this picture.

Anil Kumble

Where former Indian players didn’t allow him to eat the cake.

Now that the cake has been devoured by Anil, he has had quite a rough birthday. Since, the cake touched his stomach, Kumble has been feeling uneasy and has spend most of his time in the bathroom sending poop selfies to his close friends. Apparently, the cake was infused with Jamaal Gota, the famous Indian Laxative. Doctors have been informed but weren’t able to look after Kumble because of him being locked in the toilet all day. But our best guess is, Kumble has had a hit of the Dysentery or as they’re known in my household – Loose Motions.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Rohit and Rahane Shower Together #SameSoap

In the ongoing ODI match between India and New Zealand. Rohit Sharma and Ajinkya Rahane started well in India’s second innings chase for NZ’s 191. New Zealand had lost early wickets but a brisk partnership between Tim Southee and Tom Latham meant NZ had a respectable total to defend against a strong batting line up.

Both Rohit and Rahane started well and India had a healthy partnership going. Then, Rohit Sharma got out for 14 from 26 after hitting a 4 and a 6. Ajinkya Rahane also got out quickly after. Rahane scored 33 off 34 and was looking good with 2 sixes and 4 fours.

Now, with inside information, we know for sure, that the HPCA Stadium in Dharamsala has only 1 bathroom per dressing room. Being a relatively new ground the dressing room infrastructure is still not upto the international standard. Since, both Rohit and Rahane got out so quickly, they had to share the shower time. Rohit was already in the shower with soap on his face when Rahane creeped in with a smirk on his tiny skinny face.
Rohit Rahane

 

Both the boys are from Mumbai, and it certainly may not be the first time that they must have shared a bathroom. But showering together with the same soap while being married isn’t what the fans would’ve expected of the openers. We wish their wives all the best.

Cameraman, Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Rohit Sharma FOUND!

After what seemed like hours of search operations to try and find the missing cricketer Rohit Sharma in Dharamsala, we can now breathe a sigh of relief. Rohit Sharma was deemed MISSING yesterday and there were doubts over his inclusion in the first ODI against New Zealand being played LIVE right now.

Rohit Sharma MISSING!

To the respite of viewers and followers of Rowdy Cricket, we would like to let everyone know that Rohit Sharma has been found. Apparently, Rohit had wandered off in a public restroom and was locked by local goons. He couldn’t call anyone with his new Panasonic Camera phone since he forgot to insert a sim card. However, after loud roars and knocks on the door a local civilian of Dharamsala, Himachal Pradesh opened the door to find Rohit sobbing and stuck in the bathroom.

However, Rohit is now found and safe. He is on the field has also taken a catch for the first wicket. It’ll be safe to say, Rohit won’t be wandering off into the abyss anytime soon. Let’s hope he cracks another double century today for India.

New Zealand 23/1 (3.5 ov)
Rohit Sharma
Rohit Sharma

Inzamam Ul-Haq castrates local Goat

Retired Pakistani Cricketer, Inzamam Ul-Haq or as he is known in India, ‘Potato’ a.k.a Aaloo, is in the news lately. Inzamam, who is currently the head selector for the Pakistani National Cricket Team is a lover of food. He is a Mutton Biryani aficionado. Inzamam can call out if a certain Mutton Biryani is cooked to perfection or not. He can tell if a biryani is missing a peculiar spice, be it saffron, cloves, cinnamon or elaichi.

Potato Ul-Haq

However, this story has nothing to do with these pesky spices. Inzamam has been handed a ban from eating biryani for the next 24 hours by local authorities in his neighboring mohalla. Sources have claimed that Inzamam was roaming around his neighborhood in Multan with a Butcher knife. The sight of Inzi running around with a butcher knife meant the kids around were terrified and ran helter-skelter, here-there everywhere. Some kids ran away so hard they bounced off walls and fell back on the ground, thus being exposed to the bare feet of Inzi’s ginormous toes.

The victim here, is a 9 year old goat by the name of Qutubuddin. Qutubuddin is the same goat, who participated in Multan’s famous ‘Goat of the year’ pageant in 2014. After coming up short from winning the prestigious Goat of the year award, Qutubuddin was seen grazing around in the barren fields of Punjab. Unfortunately, for Qutub, Inzi had his eyes on its body. Inzamam ran with his butcher knife, quite like he ran between the wickets when he was run out 24,639 times in his career. Inzamam took a giant leap to get a hold of Qutubuddin. However, Inzamam missed, but not entirely. The knife was far enough in the batting crease and Inzi was able to get the Goat’s eggs for breakfast the next day. Qutubuddin the goat was castrated in bright sunlight and left for dead in Kasai Mohalla, as Inzi picked up the balls and left the pitch.

On lookers remained shocked at the incident and tried to help Qutubuddin to its knees. In spite of lost balls, the goat was able to make it back to its feat. Qutubuddin is now safe in the stomach of local authorities who have imposed a 24 hour ban on Inzamam from eating biryani. Inzi has to make-do with the eggs he snatched from the Goat.

The question beckons, is this the man we want to select our national team? The people of Pakistan are pissed and have to decide if Inzamam should still remain head selector. After all, Inzi castrated a Goat. Cameraman, Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus news, Karachi.

Azhar Ali’s Secret to smashing 302* vs West Indies

Pakistan is known to produce some of the world’s best seam bowlers, excellent singers, artists and fucktards like Asif Ali Zardari. However, a new jewel that promises to make the people of Pakistan proud, is Azhar Ali. Azhar Ali, elevated to captain Pakistan quite early in his career, is a solid all-round batsman in Tests as well as ODI cricket. Misbah Ul-Haq the horny genious being the current skipper of Pakistan has always trusted Azhar in holding the reigns of the Pakistan Cricket Team in the future and Azhar has only made this acknowledgement and assertion.

Pakistan are currently in a strong position against a terribly weak West Indies’ team. Missing most of their prominent and talented pool of cricketers, West Indies cricket is struggling because of regional politics. To make matters worse, Azhar Ali demolished this mosquito-like bowling attack with excellent footwork, style and finesse. With his batting temperament reminiscent of past greats like Inzamam Ul-Haq a.k.a Potato.

AZHAR ALI
AZHAR ALI

Azhar Ali smashed an astonishing 302* not out in the first innings for Pakistan. He celebrated with a salute, an ode to the Pakistan Army, which is essentially the only political stronghold of the entire country. When asked about his secret to scoring with such will and freedom, Azhar spilled the beans as follows:

~

“Bismillah-e-rehman ae Rahim. First of all I wanted to thanks the Allah for give me strength. Mashallah the pitch is good and the bwoys played well cricket. I batting with chapli kebab in pocket and hungry eating one in drink breaks. Inshallah moment continue and we win with Gods grace bismillah-e-rehman e rahim. Alllah talaah ka shukar hai I want to thanks Allah and bwoyz played well.”

We couldn’t pickup much from the interview Azhar Ali gave us but it translated to him munching on Mutton Chops during drinks break to keep the momentum going in reading the holy Quran.

Pakistan 579/3d
West Indies 69/1 (22.0 ov)
West Indies trail by 510 runs with 9 wickets remaining in the 1st innings

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Misbah gets horny

Misbah ul Haq the Pakistan test captain recently led his team to the Number 1 ranking in Test Cricket.
However, the long hours spent in the field were taking a toll on his few seconds in bed. This meant, the hardwork had to cum off somewhere and it came at the wrong time.
As Misbah posed with his beloved test mace and wife, he couldn’t control his libido and tried doing the unthinkable, while Kamil Yusuf the infamous legendary journalist was taking pictures.

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Misbah’s wife was embarrassed. Miss Bah..aah ahhh. ahh.