JUSTICE FOR QUTUBUDDIN – The Castrated Local Goat

A few days ago, Rowdy Cricket had reported that Inzamam Ul-Haq castrated a local goat in Multan, named Qutubuddin. Now, there is a large population of goats in the Peshawar-Multan area who are extremely angry at the way Qutubuddin’s nuts were cracked open with a butcher knife by Inzamam.

Goats in Peshawar participate in Peace Rally to protest against Inzamam and his atrocious act of castrating goat Qutubuddin from Multan.
Goats in Peshawar participate in Peace Rally to protest against Inzamam and his atrocious act of castrating goat Qutubuddin from Multan.

The goats want justice for their fallen brother Qutubuddin, who may not be a brother anymore, coz you know, he got castrated. Qutubuddin the goat is being missed by his cousins, family and friends. The entire Mutton community has come together to mourn the loss of their dear friend, local goat Qutubuddin. Inzamam, oblivious to the fact that somewhere Qutubuddin’s scrotum is being digested by his bodily enzymes is selecting the team for Pakistan’s next cricket match against the West Indies. The Goats of Pakistan are participating in rallies and Peace protests all around Pakistan to bring justice to Qutubuddin and punish Inzamam Ul-Haq the nutcracker.

Goats participate in a peaceful protest against Inzamam Ul-Haq
Goats participate in a peaceful protest against Inzamam Ul-Haq

“His catastrophic castration is a sign of worry in the goat community. We want to serve humanity by featuring in their kebabs and Biryanis, but we do it on our own terms. Nobody, should be able to castrate one of our brothers out in the open”, says Maqbool Ahmed a distant cousin of local goat Qutubuddin. Maqbool and his family have declined their consent for being butchered to make Biryani.

Maqbool mourns the loss of his cousin, Qutubuddin
Maqbool mourns the loss of his cousin, Qutubuddin

As a result, Biryani-wallahs all around Pakistan have been deeply affected, both financially and emotionally. Many Biryani makers have offered support to the goats to carry out nation-wide protests and rally against Inzamam Ul-Haq. Some Biryani wala’s have insisted Inzamam be sent to Jail. “He owes a lot of money to us. He hasn’t paid for the last 51 orders of Biryani that he ordered from us. I am all for the goats and their protest.” says Ahmed bhai Biryani wala.

Ahmed Bhai Biryani wala
Ahmed Bhai Biryani wala

On the other hand, there are Butchers and Kasai from Qasai mohalla in Rawalpindi who are also against Inzamam in this situation. “Agar Inzi bhai khud gote kaatne lagenge to hum kya karengay? Humara to dhanda down ho gaya hai. Inshallah Inzi bhai ko saza honi hi chahiye” says Haneef Mohammad, ex-cricketer and now a chai-wala + Butcher at Qasai Mohalla. 

Imran Khan, Rashid Latif, Ramiz Raja and several others have offered condolences on the death of Qutubuddin, the local goat. While Amir Sohail, Wasim Akram and Shahid Afridi have lent their support for Inzamam. “Anyone who wants to eat a goat’s testicles should be allowed to do so, why do we care about a local goat from Multan. These goats should be slaughtered. I think the goats have been payed by Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to disrupt Pakistan’s peace.” said Aamer Sohail, supporting his fat friend Inzamam Ul-Haq.

Where do you stand? Do you support the goats’ protest against Inzamam? Comment with a Baaaaaa to show your support. Or comment with a ‘Burp’ to show support for Inzi bhai.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

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Inzamam Ul-Haq castrates local Goat

Retired Pakistani Cricketer, Inzamam Ul-Haq or as he is known in India, ‘Potato’ a.k.a Aaloo, is in the news lately. Inzamam, who is currently the head selector for the Pakistani National Cricket Team is a lover of food. He is a Mutton Biryani aficionado. Inzamam can call out if a certain Mutton Biryani is cooked to perfection or not. He can tell if a biryani is missing a peculiar spice, be it saffron, cloves, cinnamon or elaichi.

Potato Ul-Haq

However, this story has nothing to do with these pesky spices. Inzamam has been handed a ban from eating biryani for the next 24 hours by local authorities in his neighboring mohalla. Sources have claimed that Inzamam was roaming around his neighborhood in Multan with a Butcher knife. The sight of Inzi running around with a butcher knife meant the kids around were terrified and ran helter-skelter, here-there everywhere. Some kids ran away so hard they bounced off walls and fell back on the ground, thus being exposed to the bare feet of Inzi’s ginormous toes.

The victim here, is a 9 year old goat by the name of Qutubuddin. Qutubuddin is the same goat, who participated in Multan’s famous ‘Goat of the year’ pageant in 2014. After coming up short from winning the prestigious Goat of the year award, Qutubuddin was seen grazing around in the barren fields of Punjab. Unfortunately, for Qutub, Inzi had his eyes on its body. Inzamam ran with his butcher knife, quite like he ran between the wickets when he was run out 24,639 times in his career. Inzamam took a giant leap to get a hold of Qutubuddin. However, Inzamam missed, but not entirely. The knife was far enough in the batting crease and Inzi was able to get the Goat’s eggs for breakfast the next day. Qutubuddin the goat was castrated in bright sunlight and left for dead in Kasai Mohalla, as Inzi picked up the balls and left the pitch.

On lookers remained shocked at the incident and tried to help Qutubuddin to its knees. In spite of lost balls, the goat was able to make it back to its feat. Qutubuddin is now safe in the stomach of local authorities who have imposed a 24 hour ban on Inzamam from eating biryani. Inzi has to make-do with the eggs he snatched from the Goat.

The question beckons, is this the man we want to select our national team? The people of Pakistan are pissed and have to decide if Inzamam should still remain head selector. After all, Inzi castrated a Goat. Cameraman, Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus news, Karachi.

Azhar Ali’s Secret to smashing 302* vs West Indies

Pakistan is known to produce some of the world’s best seam bowlers, excellent singers, artists and fucktards like Asif Ali Zardari. However, a new jewel that promises to make the people of Pakistan proud, is Azhar Ali. Azhar Ali, elevated to captain Pakistan quite early in his career, is a solid all-round batsman in Tests as well as ODI cricket. Misbah Ul-Haq the horny genious being the current skipper of Pakistan has always trusted Azhar in holding the reigns of the Pakistan Cricket Team in the future and Azhar has only made this acknowledgement and assertion.

Pakistan are currently in a strong position against a terribly weak West Indies’ team. Missing most of their prominent and talented pool of cricketers, West Indies cricket is struggling because of regional politics. To make matters worse, Azhar Ali demolished this mosquito-like bowling attack with excellent footwork, style and finesse. With his batting temperament reminiscent of past greats like Inzamam Ul-Haq a.k.a Potato.

AZHAR ALI
AZHAR ALI

Azhar Ali smashed an astonishing 302* not out in the first innings for Pakistan. He celebrated with a salute, an ode to the Pakistan Army, which is essentially the only political stronghold of the entire country. When asked about his secret to scoring with such will and freedom, Azhar spilled the beans as follows:

~

“Bismillah-e-rehman ae Rahim. First of all I wanted to thanks the Allah for give me strength. Mashallah the pitch is good and the bwoys played well cricket. I batting with chapli kebab in pocket and hungry eating one in drink breaks. Inshallah moment continue and we win with Gods grace bismillah-e-rehman e rahim. Alllah talaah ka shukar hai I want to thanks Allah and bwoyz played well.”

We couldn’t pickup much from the interview Azhar Ali gave us but it translated to him munching on Mutton Chops during drinks break to keep the momentum going in reading the holy Quran.

Pakistan 579/3d
West Indies 69/1 (22.0 ov)
West Indies trail by 510 runs with 9 wickets remaining in the 1st innings

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.