Dhoni blames Shahrukh Khan for Loss

On October 20, 2016, India lost to New Zealand by 6 runs.
On October 19, 1995, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge released.
On October 19, 2016, Shahrukh Khan celebrated DDLJ’s 21st anniversary.
On October 20, 2016, DDLJ played on all channels of Indian Televeision.

Dhoni Angry at SRK
Dhoni Angry at SRK

MS Dhoni and Kedar Jadhav were almost on the route to taking India to victory, but why did he have to come to that? India got New Zealand all out for meager totla of 242 and had to chase down 243 to win. This wasn’t a mammoth task for a team that prides in its batting prowess. However, the timing of the game was all wrong, according to Dhoni. India kept losing wickets during the run-chase.

DDLJ
DDLJ

Dhoni points out, that the Indian batsmen returned back to the pavilion one by one in quick succession because of Shahrukh Khan. Apparently, the TV in the dressing room was playing Dilwale Dulhaniye Le Jaayenge. The entire Indian team is a fan of Shahrukh Khan and DDLJ. Which is the reason, why they all rushed back to the dressing room. No batsman wanted to miss Amrish Puri’s brutal eyes, Kajol over-acting and screeching babuji babuji and Srk stuttering like Qutubuddin, the local goat of Multan who was castrated by Inzamam.

The Indian Captain, MS Dhoni expressed his displeasure at Shahrukh Khan and asked SRK to stay away from the remaining ODI matches. He also has requested certain TV channels to air Shahrukh’s movies at different times than when India goes out on the circular field.

SRGay
SRGay

Shahrukh Khan remained unavailable for comment.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Indus News, Karachi.

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Suresh Raina holds Onions in Armpits

Suresh Raina, the flamboyant left handed batsman has been out of the Indian cricket team for a while now. He was selected in the Indian squad against New Zealand and was supposed to be drafted in the playing 11 on October 16, the first ODI – India vs New Zealand. However, that may not happen as Suresh Raina has come under a heavy attack of the Viral Fevers, bro.

Raina, known to be one of the lazier cricketers in the Indian contingent has been putting on kilos which the other team members seem to lose. Kohli has lost 12kgs since 2013, while Jadeja, Shami, Dhoni and Rohit Sharma have each lost a few kilos to maintain their fitness. Raina has been munching on them batata vadas and chhole bhature while the rest of the squad feasts on ghaas-phoos.

Suresh has now reached a new level of laziness. He got a call from the returning captain for the ODI’s humaar Mahiya MS Dhoni about his inclusion in the playing XI. However, Raina wanted to chill in the air-conditioned dressing room while the rest of the team burns their asses in the October heat. As a quick-smart solution, Raina help up a large fresh onion costing Rs. 96 under his armpit. He held the onion long enough for his body temperature to rise enough for the support staff to think he had a fever.

Raina loves Onion

Suresh Raina, thus, will not feature in the playing XI on October 16, Sunday’s first ODI vs New Zealand. No wonder, nobody’s talking about the rates of Onions now-a-days. People are shoving Onions up their arm-pits.

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In reference to:
http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1061529.html