Kohli launches AUTO-Biography – “DRIVEN”

Virat Kohli has been in terrific form of late. And by of-late I mean, since he was born. Some low-life wanna be writer has written a book on Anushka Sharma’s boyfriend and it has been released today. The book is titled “DRIVEN” and is an Auto-Biography. So by all means, we can bet that this book is about cars, bikes and driving. 

As an AUTO-biography we asked Virat why there was no mention of Autorikshaws in the book. To which he gave our boy in-house Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala a death-stare. As the title speaks for itself, the content of the book is very “Driven”. Expect lots of information and knowledge about Cars, Tires, Bikes, Motorcycles SUV’s, sports-cars and much more. 
We wonder why Virat invited former cricketers to launch his book, and what connection Virat has with being on the book cover. If the book is about Driving, what does Virat have to do on the front cover of it? Sehwag, Kapil Dev, Kavi Shastri, Anil Kumble and many more were present for the launch of this book. 

We’re still unsure what the book  has to do with Cricket, but oh well, they can do whatever they want to do man. Lets hope I get some important information from the book about buying my next car.

Cameraman KAmil Yusuf ksaath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

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Raina out of 2nd ODI vs NZ, due to The Viral Fever (TVF)

Reference: http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1062195.html

Last week, just hours before the First ODI between India and New Zealand, we at Rowdy Sports informed you how Suresh Raina faked his fever by holding an Onion in his armpits.  Well, turns out, Raina is actually really really sick.

Raina loves Onion

Raina has been in the ODI squad against New Zealand but has spent most of his time in the dressing room. To stay out of the playing field and scorching October heat, Raina did what he could to raise his body temperature. Holding an onion up his armpits was the best decision to get support staff thinking he has fever. However, now it seems Raina’s fake fever has turned into real fever.

The news out of the Indian camp is that Raina has been hit with a case of the Viral Fever. He is ruled out of the ODI and will spend more time in the dressing room with The Viral Fever Youtube Channel guys to shoot a short skit. Raina’s twitter account is proof, that he is a fan of singing and comedy. Remember, when he faked his nephew tweeting to the Pakistan team to GTFO out of India?

Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever
Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever

Anyway, now that Raina is venturing into the YouTube comedy world by associating with The Viral Fever (TVF), it seems we could see him on our phones and computers more than the TV. We at Rowdy Cricket wish him all the best in his new direction in life of being a YouTube comedian.

Andrew Symonds pours Beer over Michael Clarke

Andrew Symonds the perennial monkey of International Cricket is back at it again. After his infamous sexy shorts incident, Symonds finds himself in another soup. Now retired, former Australian Captain Michael Clarke has recently released his autobiography, spilling lots of secrets and one glass of beer.

Clarke's autobiography
Clarke’s autobiography

Clarke’s book has quite a few startling revelations about his relationships with the players and officials he interacted with, during his illustrious career. One such incident includes Andrew Symonds and his many stints with Alcohol. Symonds was always known as an alcoholic and his attitude in the Australian dressing room was motivated by the high induced by his consumption of alcoholic beverages. He was also handed a one match ban when he turned up drunk to a match against Bangladesh in 2005.

Clarke points out this one incident when Symonds and Clarke were good buddies. Symmo got too wasted and drunk out of his minds. In presence of Brian Lata, he emptied an entire glass of beer on Clarke’s head, as a joke. Clarke never spoke to Symonds after that incident. Here’s an excerpt from the book.

Text from Clarke's bookSymonds has been quoted saying the following in Gujarati “Daru Peevanu and Fishing karvanu, Majja ni Life”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Birthday Boy Kumble Poops all day

October 17, 2016 marks Anil Kumble’s 46th birthday. Anil Kumble, the current head coach of India has had an illustrious career as a spin bowler. Kumble is a humble man, and loved by all cricketers he played with, except my grandfather, who never played with him, but hated him. While the world lovingly calls Kumble, Jumbo, my grandpa referred to Anil as The Hunchback of Notre dame.

The players and support staff of the Indian Cricket Team celebrated Jumbo’s birthday by ordering a Jumbo birthday cake for him. Our main man, Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala has exclusive information, that the cake for Jumbo weighed 18pounds. Nobody knew where the cake came from but they found it at the hotel room that Kumble was staying in. Kumble, like a hungry jackal pounced on the cake and gobbled it up in a matter of seconds. His friends and family couldn’t even smear enough cake on Kumble, thus rendering Kumble’s birthday party a huge flop. Smearing of the cake is now a ritual and if not performed, the birthday party is considered a flop. To make sure your birthday party is a hit, smear the cake on your face.

Kumble has had memorable birthday parties before, like in this picture.

Anil Kumble

Where former Indian players didn’t allow him to eat the cake.

Now that the cake has been devoured by Anil, he has had quite a rough birthday. Since, the cake touched his stomach, Kumble has been feeling uneasy and has spend most of his time in the bathroom sending poop selfies to his close friends. Apparently, the cake was infused with Jamaal Gota, the famous Indian Laxative. Doctors have been informed but weren’t able to look after Kumble because of him being locked in the toilet all day. But our best guess is, Kumble has had a hit of the Dysentery or as they’re known in my household – Loose Motions.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Azhar Ali’s Secret to smashing 302* vs West Indies

Pakistan is known to produce some of the world’s best seam bowlers, excellent singers, artists and fucktards like Asif Ali Zardari. However, a new jewel that promises to make the people of Pakistan proud, is Azhar Ali. Azhar Ali, elevated to captain Pakistan quite early in his career, is a solid all-round batsman in Tests as well as ODI cricket. Misbah Ul-Haq the horny genious being the current skipper of Pakistan has always trusted Azhar in holding the reigns of the Pakistan Cricket Team in the future and Azhar has only made this acknowledgement and assertion.

Pakistan are currently in a strong position against a terribly weak West Indies’ team. Missing most of their prominent and talented pool of cricketers, West Indies cricket is struggling because of regional politics. To make matters worse, Azhar Ali demolished this mosquito-like bowling attack with excellent footwork, style and finesse. With his batting temperament reminiscent of past greats like Inzamam Ul-Haq a.k.a Potato.

AZHAR ALI
AZHAR ALI

Azhar Ali smashed an astonishing 302* not out in the first innings for Pakistan. He celebrated with a salute, an ode to the Pakistan Army, which is essentially the only political stronghold of the entire country. When asked about his secret to scoring with such will and freedom, Azhar spilled the beans as follows:

~

“Bismillah-e-rehman ae Rahim. First of all I wanted to thanks the Allah for give me strength. Mashallah the pitch is good and the bwoys played well cricket. I batting with chapli kebab in pocket and hungry eating one in drink breaks. Inshallah moment continue and we win with Gods grace bismillah-e-rehman e rahim. Alllah talaah ka shukar hai I want to thanks Allah and bwoyz played well.”

We couldn’t pickup much from the interview Azhar Ali gave us but it translated to him munching on Mutton Chops during drinks break to keep the momentum going in reading the holy Quran.

Pakistan 579/3d
West Indies 69/1 (22.0 ov)
West Indies trail by 510 runs with 9 wickets remaining in the 1st innings

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Andrew Symonds fined for wearing Sexy Shorts

Cricket is a funny game. As long as the game can remember, there have been certain characters who either turn the tide or swim against it. Chris Gayle, Yuvraj Singh, Kevin Pietersen, Shahid Afridi just to name a few.

Australia has its share of mischievous cricketers. The likes of Andrew Symonds have always been surrounded by controversy, be it on the cricket field or in a bar. Symonds finds himself tackling bouncers and shoving them out for sixes. Andrew Symonds or as he’s fondly known in India “Teri ma ki” has landed himself in hot water again, literally.

Andrew Symonds wearing Chaddi
Andrew Symonds wearing Chaddi

Andrew Symonds who recently went fishing in some shitty Mithi River of Australia was fined by the Police Department for wearing extremely short shorts. Symonds who wanted to catch some chilean seabass or maybe some shrimp while on a fishing trip was surrounded by cops, instead of fish. His short-shorts were deemed Obscene and caused neighboring widows some heart-ache. The discomfort caused to the widows in the neighborhood led the cops to Symmo who was then fined.

As he was signing his fine ticket, Andrew Symonds was so angry, that he started jumping, splashing and scratching his armpits. Almost, like that of um…err….a …. MONKEY.

Cameraman KAmil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

 

 

“Ravindra Jadeja is not my son” – Ajay Jadeja

Ajay Jadeja

After years of speculation and rumors, Ajay Jadeja has finally come out and cleared the air. Ajay Jadeja, who was India’s strongest middle order batsman in ODI’s during the attitude era of Indian Cricket, is tired of the gossip and false allegations. Ajay was famous for being a dashing cricketer with a finisher tag. His adventures in the film industry and Celina Jaitley are well documented. Recently, Ajay has taken up commentary duties and was asked by a fan while on the mic about his relationship with Ravindra Jadeja.

ravindra_jadeja
Ravindra Jadeja, the useless boy

Ravindra Jadeja, has always been a useless boy and is in the team because of his stupid antics in the dressing room. He’s like a clown, who murders sanity and rational thought. Ajay Jadeja has denied having anything to do with Ravindra Jadeja. He has gone on record and said the following during the post game highlights package-

“I’m sick and tired of people asking me if I am Ravindra Jadeja’s father. Clearly, I’m not. One, he is far too ugly to be my son. Two, I was a much better cricketer than he ever is or will be. I don’t understand why people like to link our names just because we have similar last names. It baffles me at the thought that I could be anything but related to this piece of shit being known as ravindra. RAVINDRA JADEJA IS NOT MY SON! Damnit”

Ajay stormed out of the media box after expertly commentating on the situation, never to be seen again.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News Karachi.