Dhoni blames Shahrukh Khan for Loss

On October 20, 2016, India lost to New Zealand by 6 runs.
On October 19, 1995, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge released.
On October 19, 2016, Shahrukh Khan celebrated DDLJ’s 21st anniversary.
On October 20, 2016, DDLJ played on all channels of Indian Televeision.

Dhoni Angry at SRK
Dhoni Angry at SRK

MS Dhoni and Kedar Jadhav were almost on the route to taking India to victory, but why did he have to come to that? India got New Zealand all out for meager totla of 242 and had to chase down 243 to win. This wasn’t a mammoth task for a team that prides in its batting prowess. However, the timing of the game was all wrong, according to Dhoni. India kept losing wickets during the run-chase.

DDLJ
DDLJ

Dhoni points out, that the Indian batsmen returned back to the pavilion one by one in quick succession because of Shahrukh Khan. Apparently, the TV in the dressing room was playing Dilwale Dulhaniye Le Jaayenge. The entire Indian team is a fan of Shahrukh Khan and DDLJ. Which is the reason, why they all rushed back to the dressing room. No batsman wanted to miss Amrish Puri’s brutal eyes, Kajol over-acting and screeching babuji babuji and Srk stuttering like Qutubuddin, the local goat of Multan who was castrated by Inzamam.

The Indian Captain, MS Dhoni expressed his displeasure at Shahrukh Khan and asked SRK to stay away from the remaining ODI matches. He also has requested certain TV channels to air Shahrukh’s movies at different times than when India goes out on the circular field.

SRGay
SRGay

Shahrukh Khan remained unavailable for comment.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Indus News, Karachi.

Advertisements

JUSTICE FOR QUTUBUDDIN – The Castrated Local Goat

A few days ago, Rowdy Cricket had reported that Inzamam Ul-Haq castrated a local goat in Multan, named Qutubuddin. Now, there is a large population of goats in the Peshawar-Multan area who are extremely angry at the way Qutubuddin’s nuts were cracked open with a butcher knife by Inzamam.

Goats in Peshawar participate in Peace Rally to protest against Inzamam and his atrocious act of castrating goat Qutubuddin from Multan.
Goats in Peshawar participate in Peace Rally to protest against Inzamam and his atrocious act of castrating goat Qutubuddin from Multan.

The goats want justice for their fallen brother Qutubuddin, who may not be a brother anymore, coz you know, he got castrated. Qutubuddin the goat is being missed by his cousins, family and friends. The entire Mutton community has come together to mourn the loss of their dear friend, local goat Qutubuddin. Inzamam, oblivious to the fact that somewhere Qutubuddin’s scrotum is being digested by his bodily enzymes is selecting the team for Pakistan’s next cricket match against the West Indies. The Goats of Pakistan are participating in rallies and Peace protests all around Pakistan to bring justice to Qutubuddin and punish Inzamam Ul-Haq the nutcracker.

Goats participate in a peaceful protest against Inzamam Ul-Haq
Goats participate in a peaceful protest against Inzamam Ul-Haq

“His catastrophic castration is a sign of worry in the goat community. We want to serve humanity by featuring in their kebabs and Biryanis, but we do it on our own terms. Nobody, should be able to castrate one of our brothers out in the open”, says Maqbool Ahmed a distant cousin of local goat Qutubuddin. Maqbool and his family have declined their consent for being butchered to make Biryani.

Maqbool mourns the loss of his cousin, Qutubuddin
Maqbool mourns the loss of his cousin, Qutubuddin

As a result, Biryani-wallahs all around Pakistan have been deeply affected, both financially and emotionally. Many Biryani makers have offered support to the goats to carry out nation-wide protests and rally against Inzamam Ul-Haq. Some Biryani wala’s have insisted Inzamam be sent to Jail. “He owes a lot of money to us. He hasn’t paid for the last 51 orders of Biryani that he ordered from us. I am all for the goats and their protest.” says Ahmed bhai Biryani wala.

Ahmed Bhai Biryani wala
Ahmed Bhai Biryani wala

On the other hand, there are Butchers and Kasai from Qasai mohalla in Rawalpindi who are also against Inzamam in this situation. “Agar Inzi bhai khud gote kaatne lagenge to hum kya karengay? Humara to dhanda down ho gaya hai. Inshallah Inzi bhai ko saza honi hi chahiye” says Haneef Mohammad, ex-cricketer and now a chai-wala + Butcher at Qasai Mohalla. 

Imran Khan, Rashid Latif, Ramiz Raja and several others have offered condolences on the death of Qutubuddin, the local goat. While Amir Sohail, Wasim Akram and Shahid Afridi have lent their support for Inzamam. “Anyone who wants to eat a goat’s testicles should be allowed to do so, why do we care about a local goat from Multan. These goats should be slaughtered. I think the goats have been payed by Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to disrupt Pakistan’s peace.” said Aamer Sohail, supporting his fat friend Inzamam Ul-Haq.

Where do you stand? Do you support the goats’ protest against Inzamam? Comment with a Baaaaaa to show your support. Or comment with a ‘Burp’ to show support for Inzi bhai.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Kohli launches AUTO-Biography – “DRIVEN”

Virat Kohli has been in terrific form of late. And by of-late I mean, since he was born. Some low-life wanna be writer has written a book on Anushka Sharma’s boyfriend and it has been released today. The book is titled “DRIVEN” and is an Auto-Biography. So by all means, we can bet that this book is about cars, bikes and driving. 

As an AUTO-biography we asked Virat why there was no mention of Autorikshaws in the book. To which he gave our boy in-house Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala a death-stare. As the title speaks for itself, the content of the book is very “Driven”. Expect lots of information and knowledge about Cars, Tires, Bikes, Motorcycles SUV’s, sports-cars and much more. 
We wonder why Virat invited former cricketers to launch his book, and what connection Virat has with being on the book cover. If the book is about Driving, what does Virat have to do on the front cover of it? Sehwag, Kapil Dev, Kavi Shastri, Anil Kumble and many more were present for the launch of this book. 

We’re still unsure what the book  has to do with Cricket, but oh well, they can do whatever they want to do man. Lets hope I get some important information from the book about buying my next car.

Cameraman KAmil Yusuf ksaath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Ravindra Jadeja celebrates Karwa Chauth on Twitter

Sir Ravindra Jadeja, the perennial useless boy of Indian Cricket is known to be quite active on twitter. Today, on Karwa Chauth evening, he expressed his views on twitter. Aparently, Jadeja’s wife wasn’t ready to do Karwa Chauth for him. She does not want him to be her husband in 7 janams. Hell, she doesn’t even want him for 7 years in this life. Anyway, Ravindra Jadeja took his frustrations out on twitter and went on quite a rant.

capture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See for yourself, the tweets Jadeja has been posting point to the fact that he has no idea what the fuck is going on in this world anymore. He’s been irrational and ridiculously childish. His immaturity has hit a new low, as his twitter rants show signs of eccentricity and schizophrenia. We hope he recovers from the mental illness soon.

We tried to reach out to Ravindra Jadeja’s daddy, Ajay Jadeja who again declined to comment on the matter. Ajay Jadeja insisted that he is not the father of Ravindra Jadeja. He flipped his shit when we asked him if he had disowned poor old Ravindra because of his mental illness of being a certified chutiya. Only a father knows the emotional value of his son in such difficult times. We wish Ravindra Jadeja’s wife all the best. If she’s feeling lonely, she can reach out to Rowdy Cricket for company, any time, day or night, preferably, night.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Raina out of 2nd ODI vs NZ, due to The Viral Fever (TVF)

Reference: http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1062195.html

Last week, just hours before the First ODI between India and New Zealand, we at Rowdy Sports informed you how Suresh Raina faked his fever by holding an Onion in his armpits.  Well, turns out, Raina is actually really really sick.

Raina loves Onion

Raina has been in the ODI squad against New Zealand but has spent most of his time in the dressing room. To stay out of the playing field and scorching October heat, Raina did what he could to raise his body temperature. Holding an onion up his armpits was the best decision to get support staff thinking he has fever. However, now it seems Raina’s fake fever has turned into real fever.

The news out of the Indian camp is that Raina has been hit with a case of the Viral Fever. He is ruled out of the ODI and will spend more time in the dressing room with The Viral Fever Youtube Channel guys to shoot a short skit. Raina’s twitter account is proof, that he is a fan of singing and comedy. Remember, when he faked his nephew tweeting to the Pakistan team to GTFO out of India?

Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever
Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever

Anyway, now that Raina is venturing into the YouTube comedy world by associating with The Viral Fever (TVF), it seems we could see him on our phones and computers more than the TV. We at Rowdy Cricket wish him all the best in his new direction in life of being a YouTube comedian.

Andrew Symonds pours Beer over Michael Clarke

Andrew Symonds the perennial monkey of International Cricket is back at it again. After his infamous sexy shorts incident, Symonds finds himself in another soup. Now retired, former Australian Captain Michael Clarke has recently released his autobiography, spilling lots of secrets and one glass of beer.

Clarke's autobiography
Clarke’s autobiography

Clarke’s book has quite a few startling revelations about his relationships with the players and officials he interacted with, during his illustrious career. One such incident includes Andrew Symonds and his many stints with Alcohol. Symonds was always known as an alcoholic and his attitude in the Australian dressing room was motivated by the high induced by his consumption of alcoholic beverages. He was also handed a one match ban when he turned up drunk to a match against Bangladesh in 2005.

Clarke points out this one incident when Symonds and Clarke were good buddies. Symmo got too wasted and drunk out of his minds. In presence of Brian Lata, he emptied an entire glass of beer on Clarke’s head, as a joke. Clarke never spoke to Symonds after that incident. Here’s an excerpt from the book.

Text from Clarke's bookSymonds has been quoted saying the following in Gujarati “Daru Peevanu and Fishing karvanu, Majja ni Life”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Alastair Cook can’t Cook at all

England’s Test Captain and cricketer Alastair Cook has a peculiar lastname. Cook has been a prolific run scorer and quite an average captain for his country England. England is known to steal things from all around the world, and have especially stolen a lot of things from India. Tea, Butter Chicken, Kohinoor Diamond, Gujarati Patels and the only thing we got back in return was Amy Jackson.

Cook cooking
Cook cooking

Alastair Cook trying to shine his country’s and his own lastname was a special guest head chef in a prison in Sheffield County. Cook was made to cook the entire meal for the inmates as punishment for the inmates. Now, Alastair Cook may have a last name spelling C-o-o-K but he sure as hell, cannot cook a meal to save his life.

Cook Cooking
Cook Cooking

Cook tried his best and was seen breaking eggs on his head, showering rice flakes down his throat and cutting raw meat and veggies. However, nobody knows exactly what he was trying to cook. Whatever it was that he cooked, the inmates seemed to enjoy it at first. However, 24 hours later, all the inmates at the prison were found lying on the ground with a stomach ache. Some of the prisoners also complained of being unconscious while unconscious.

Cook Cooking
Cook Cooking

Alastair Cook, couldn’t eat the food he cooked, himself. And took an early flight to Edgbaston as soon as possible. The England Cricket Board couldn’t be contacted for comment. But by what it looks like, Alastair Cook cannot Cook for shit. Also, Cook doesn’t seem to be bothered that he’s responsible for the annihilation of 79 prisoners of Sheffield County.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.