Dhoni blames Shahrukh Khan for Loss

On October 20, 2016, India lost to New Zealand by 6 runs.
On October 19, 1995, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge released.
On October 19, 2016, Shahrukh Khan celebrated DDLJ’s 21st anniversary.
On October 20, 2016, DDLJ played on all channels of Indian Televeision.

Dhoni Angry at SRK
Dhoni Angry at SRK

MS Dhoni and Kedar Jadhav were almost on the route to taking India to victory, but why did he have to come to that? India got New Zealand all out for meager totla of 242 and had to chase down 243 to win. This wasn’t a mammoth task for a team that prides in its batting prowess. However, the timing of the game was all wrong, according to Dhoni. India kept losing wickets during the run-chase.

DDLJ
DDLJ

Dhoni points out, that the Indian batsmen returned back to the pavilion one by one in quick succession because of Shahrukh Khan. Apparently, the TV in the dressing room was playing Dilwale Dulhaniye Le Jaayenge. The entire Indian team is a fan of Shahrukh Khan and DDLJ. Which is the reason, why they all rushed back to the dressing room. No batsman wanted to miss Amrish Puri’s brutal eyes, Kajol over-acting and screeching babuji babuji and Srk stuttering like Qutubuddin, the local goat of Multan who was castrated by Inzamam.

The Indian Captain, MS Dhoni expressed his displeasure at Shahrukh Khan and asked SRK to stay away from the remaining ODI matches. He also has requested certain TV channels to air Shahrukh’s movies at different times than when India goes out on the circular field.

SRGay
SRGay

Shahrukh Khan remained unavailable for comment.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Indus News, Karachi.

Raina out of 2nd ODI vs NZ, due to The Viral Fever (TVF)

Reference: http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1062195.html

Last week, just hours before the First ODI between India and New Zealand, we at Rowdy Sports informed you how Suresh Raina faked his fever by holding an Onion in his armpits.  Well, turns out, Raina is actually really really sick.

Raina loves Onion

Raina has been in the ODI squad against New Zealand but has spent most of his time in the dressing room. To stay out of the playing field and scorching October heat, Raina did what he could to raise his body temperature. Holding an onion up his armpits was the best decision to get support staff thinking he has fever. However, now it seems Raina’s fake fever has turned into real fever.

The news out of the Indian camp is that Raina has been hit with a case of the Viral Fever. He is ruled out of the ODI and will spend more time in the dressing room with The Viral Fever Youtube Channel guys to shoot a short skit. Raina’s twitter account is proof, that he is a fan of singing and comedy. Remember, when he faked his nephew tweeting to the Pakistan team to GTFO out of India?

Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever
Suresh Raina hit with The Viral Fever

Anyway, now that Raina is venturing into the YouTube comedy world by associating with The Viral Fever (TVF), it seems we could see him on our phones and computers more than the TV. We at Rowdy Cricket wish him all the best in his new direction in life of being a YouTube comedian.

Birthday Boy Kumble Poops all day

October 17, 2016 marks Anil Kumble’s 46th birthday. Anil Kumble, the current head coach of India has had an illustrious career as a spin bowler. Kumble is a humble man, and loved by all cricketers he played with, except my grandfather, who never played with him, but hated him. While the world lovingly calls Kumble, Jumbo, my grandpa referred to Anil as The Hunchback of Notre dame.

The players and support staff of the Indian Cricket Team celebrated Jumbo’s birthday by ordering a Jumbo birthday cake for him. Our main man, Rowdy Cricket journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala has exclusive information, that the cake for Jumbo weighed 18pounds. Nobody knew where the cake came from but they found it at the hotel room that Kumble was staying in. Kumble, like a hungry jackal pounced on the cake and gobbled it up in a matter of seconds. His friends and family couldn’t even smear enough cake on Kumble, thus rendering Kumble’s birthday party a huge flop. Smearing of the cake is now a ritual and if not performed, the birthday party is considered a flop. To make sure your birthday party is a hit, smear the cake on your face.

Kumble has had memorable birthday parties before, like in this picture.

Anil Kumble

Where former Indian players didn’t allow him to eat the cake.

Now that the cake has been devoured by Anil, he has had quite a rough birthday. Since, the cake touched his stomach, Kumble has been feeling uneasy and has spend most of his time in the bathroom sending poop selfies to his close friends. Apparently, the cake was infused with Jamaal Gota, the famous Indian Laxative. Doctors have been informed but weren’t able to look after Kumble because of him being locked in the toilet all day. But our best guess is, Kumble has had a hit of the Dysentery or as they’re known in my household – Loose Motions.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Sreesanth’s secret to Six-Pack-Abs

Former Indian Cricketer Shanthakumaran Sreesanth, or ‘Chutiya’ as he was fondly known in the dressing room during his stint with the Indian Cricket Team is back in the Phews this week. Sreesanth has always been a useless boy. His bowling economy was always over 8 an over in test matches and humaar Mahiya Dhoni, was never a fan of the Kerala lad. Sreesanth is memorable for a couple of things in Indian Cricket’s History: 1. His catch to get Misbah out at the ICC T20 World Cup in 2007 and 2. Towels + No Balls + Cash LOL

Sreesanth trying to flex his non-existent muscles
Sreesanth trying to flex his non-existent muscles

After the BCCI Ban on Shanthakumaran Sreesanth, he’s ventured into showbiz. He was a participant in a famous dance reality show, where he lost to Irfan Pathan. Now, he has been cast in a Tollywood movie as the lead protagonist. To prepare for this role, Sreesanth has worked extremely hard and built quite some muscle at the cost of his male potency. He now boasts of being the proud owner of 6-pack-abs. Only if he worked this hard on his fitness during his cricketing years, he could have scaled great heights.

Anyway, Sreesanth is now roaming around the streets of Kerala shirtless to flaunt his six-pack-abs. He says he is known as the Salman Khan of his village in Kothamangalam. He is now the hottest boy in Kothamangalam out of the 29 otherboys in the area. He is using this new found fame to try and enter the Bigg Boss 10 house. We’ll update you on that front soon.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Rohit and Rahane Shower Together #SameSoap

In the ongoing ODI match between India and New Zealand. Rohit Sharma and Ajinkya Rahane started well in India’s second innings chase for NZ’s 191. New Zealand had lost early wickets but a brisk partnership between Tim Southee and Tom Latham meant NZ had a respectable total to defend against a strong batting line up.

Both Rohit and Rahane started well and India had a healthy partnership going. Then, Rohit Sharma got out for 14 from 26 after hitting a 4 and a 6. Ajinkya Rahane also got out quickly after. Rahane scored 33 off 34 and was looking good with 2 sixes and 4 fours.

Now, with inside information, we know for sure, that the HPCA Stadium in Dharamsala has only 1 bathroom per dressing room. Being a relatively new ground the dressing room infrastructure is still not upto the international standard. Since, both Rohit and Rahane got out so quickly, they had to share the shower time. Rohit was already in the shower with soap on his face when Rahane creeped in with a smirk on his tiny skinny face.
Rohit Rahane

 

Both the boys are from Mumbai, and it certainly may not be the first time that they must have shared a bathroom. But showering together with the same soap while being married isn’t what the fans would’ve expected of the openers. We wish their wives all the best.

Cameraman, Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Rohit Sharma FOUND!

After what seemed like hours of search operations to try and find the missing cricketer Rohit Sharma in Dharamsala, we can now breathe a sigh of relief. Rohit Sharma was deemed MISSING yesterday and there were doubts over his inclusion in the first ODI against New Zealand being played LIVE right now.

Rohit Sharma MISSING!

To the respite of viewers and followers of Rowdy Cricket, we would like to let everyone know that Rohit Sharma has been found. Apparently, Rohit had wandered off in a public restroom and was locked by local goons. He couldn’t call anyone with his new Panasonic Camera phone since he forgot to insert a sim card. However, after loud roars and knocks on the door a local civilian of Dharamsala, Himachal Pradesh opened the door to find Rohit sobbing and stuck in the bathroom.

However, Rohit is now found and safe. He is on the field has also taken a catch for the first wicket. It’ll be safe to say, Rohit won’t be wandering off into the abyss anytime soon. Let’s hope he cracks another double century today for India.

New Zealand 23/1 (3.5 ov)
Rohit Sharma
Rohit Sharma

Doctors advise Rahane, Dabur Shakti Prash

Ajinkya Rahane, fresh off his recent century in the test series against New Zealand is on a high. This high has been induced by his doctor’s recommendation to consume loads of Dabur Shakti Prash before going in to bat. Rahane who is physically skinny and appears smaller than rest of the athletes on the cricket field has his limitations. His smaller frame has often been compared to that of Vijay Raaz. Skinny Ajinkya

To counter this problem, Rahane has tried various powders, protein shakes, Dominos cheese-burst pizza and McDonald’s Maharaja Mac burger. However, nothing seemed to help him gain the mass or muscle. As an agile cricketer, he is quite active in the field. This agility impacted his stamina off the field. He could hit a sexy cover drive, but couldn’t maintain his sex-drive.

The controversial nature of Indian Cricket, had him twisting and tingling in bed without sleep or action. The turbanator Harbhya Singh took Rahane to a local doctor in Chhattisgarh who advised Rahane to consume loads of Dabur Shakti Prash.

Dabur Shakti Prash
Dabur Shakti Prash
DBSP
DBSP

This would enhance his strenghts on the field as well as  keep him hot and handy at night. We have yet to see the effects of the medication on Rahane’s performance in One Day International Day/Night games. But since the ODI series is soon to kick off against New Zealand, our curiosity shall be dealt with, sooner rather than later.

 

Rohit Sharma MISSING

Indian batsman Rohit Sharma is missing from the team hotel in Dharamsala, HCPA Stadium, where team India is scheduled to play their first ODI against New Zealand, tomorrow. OCTOBER 16, 2016.

The news of Rohit missing came out soon after he didn’t show up at team practice in the morning. His Mumbai team mate Ajinkya Rahane came out shouting “Rohit Palala … Rohit Palalala”. Anil Kumble, the Indian Coach enquired what he meant by ‘palala’ and Rahane replied “Rohit Bhaag gaya, Rohit Bhaag gaya”.

This news was confirmed by Ajay Jadeja’s son, Ravindra Jadeja who tweeted the following picture. Ajay Jadeja has once again denied any connection to Ravindra Jadeja however, he expressed his state of shock, after learning that Rohit is lost.

Ritika Sajdeh, Rohit’s wife told local authorities that Rohit went to shoot some pictures with his new vintage Panasonic phone. He is scared of heights and going into the wild mountains of the Himalayas, was quite an adventurous task for Rohit to take up. It seems more likely, that Rohit Sharma is wandering around in the bushes somewhere in Dharamsala. Or could have had some wild weed and must be stoned in a corner.

We’ll have to wait and watch if Rohit opens the batting in the game against New Zealand tomorrow.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf ke saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, KArachi.

Rohit Sharma MISSING!

Exclusive Deleted Scenes from movie “MS Dhoni – The Untold Story”

Rowdy Cricket has access to exclusive footage from the film “MS DHONI – THE UNTOLD STORY” starring Sushant Singh Rajput.
The following scenes were deleted from the movie because of their controversial nature and DHONI did not permit the makers of the film to release it. Hence, the scenes were edited out.

However, our main man Rowdy Cricket Senior Journalist Maganlal Chikkiwala has gained exclusive access by breaking into Sushant Singh Rajput’s house and stealing these clips. He then uploaded the footage to different Youtube channels under various aliases.

For more UNSEEN FOOTAGE, Like, Comment, Subscribe and Share ROWDY CRICKET.

“Ravindra Jadeja is not my son” – Ajay Jadeja

Ajay Jadeja

After years of speculation and rumors, Ajay Jadeja has finally come out and cleared the air. Ajay Jadeja, who was India’s strongest middle order batsman in ODI’s during the attitude era of Indian Cricket, is tired of the gossip and false allegations. Ajay was famous for being a dashing cricketer with a finisher tag. His adventures in the film industry and Celina Jaitley are well documented. Recently, Ajay has taken up commentary duties and was asked by a fan while on the mic about his relationship with Ravindra Jadeja.

ravindra_jadeja
Ravindra Jadeja, the useless boy

Ravindra Jadeja, has always been a useless boy and is in the team because of his stupid antics in the dressing room. He’s like a clown, who murders sanity and rational thought. Ajay Jadeja has denied having anything to do with Ravindra Jadeja. He has gone on record and said the following during the post game highlights package-

“I’m sick and tired of people asking me if I am Ravindra Jadeja’s father. Clearly, I’m not. One, he is far too ugly to be my son. Two, I was a much better cricketer than he ever is or will be. I don’t understand why people like to link our names just because we have similar last names. It baffles me at the thought that I could be anything but related to this piece of shit being known as ravindra. RAVINDRA JADEJA IS NOT MY SON! Damnit”

Ajay stormed out of the media box after expertly commentating on the situation, never to be seen again.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus News Karachi.

Suresh Raina holds Onions in Armpits

Suresh Raina, the flamboyant left handed batsman has been out of the Indian cricket team for a while now. He was selected in the Indian squad against New Zealand and was supposed to be drafted in the playing 11 on October 16, the first ODI – India vs New Zealand. However, that may not happen as Suresh Raina has come under a heavy attack of the Viral Fevers, bro.

Raina, known to be one of the lazier cricketers in the Indian contingent has been putting on kilos which the other team members seem to lose. Kohli has lost 12kgs since 2013, while Jadeja, Shami, Dhoni and Rohit Sharma have each lost a few kilos to maintain their fitness. Raina has been munching on them batata vadas and chhole bhature while the rest of the squad feasts on ghaas-phoos.

Suresh has now reached a new level of laziness. He got a call from the returning captain for the ODI’s humaar Mahiya MS Dhoni about his inclusion in the playing XI. However, Raina wanted to chill in the air-conditioned dressing room while the rest of the team burns their asses in the October heat. As a quick-smart solution, Raina help up a large fresh onion costing Rs. 96 under his armpit. He held the onion long enough for his body temperature to rise enough for the support staff to think he had a fever.

Raina loves Onion

Suresh Raina, thus, will not feature in the playing XI on October 16, Sunday’s first ODI vs New Zealand. No wonder, nobody’s talking about the rates of Onions now-a-days. People are shoving Onions up their arm-pits.

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In reference to:
http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-new-zealand-2016-17/content/story/1061529.html