Alastair Cook can’t Cook at all

England’s Test Captain and cricketer Alastair Cook has a peculiar lastname. Cook has been a prolific run scorer and quite an average captain for his country England. England is known to steal things from all around the world, and have especially stolen a lot of things from India. Tea, Butter Chicken, Kohinoor Diamond, Gujarati Patels and the only thing we got back in return was Amy Jackson.

Cook cooking
Cook cooking

Alastair Cook trying to shine his country’s and his own lastname was a special guest head chef in a prison in Sheffield County. Cook was made to cook the entire meal for the inmates as punishment for the inmates. Now, Alastair Cook may have a last name spelling C-o-o-K but he sure as hell, cannot cook a meal to save his life.

Cook Cooking
Cook Cooking

Cook tried his best and was seen breaking eggs on his head, showering rice flakes down his throat and cutting raw meat and veggies. However, nobody knows exactly what he was trying to cook. Whatever it was that he cooked, the inmates seemed to enjoy it at first. However, 24 hours later, all the inmates at the prison were found lying on the ground with a stomach ache. Some of the prisoners also complained of being unconscious while unconscious.

Cook Cooking
Cook Cooking

Alastair Cook, couldn’t eat the food he cooked, himself. And took an early flight to Edgbaston as soon as possible. The England Cricket Board couldn’t be contacted for comment. But by what it looks like, Alastair Cook cannot Cook for shit. Also, Cook doesn’t seem to be bothered that he’s responsible for the annihilation of 79 prisoners of Sheffield County.

Cameraman Kamil Yusuf K Saath, Chandnawab, Indus News, Karachi.

Advertisements

Inzamam Ul-Haq castrates local Goat

Retired Pakistani Cricketer, Inzamam Ul-Haq or as he is known in India, ‘Potato’ a.k.a Aaloo, is in the news lately. Inzamam, who is currently the head selector for the Pakistani National Cricket Team is a lover of food. He is a Mutton Biryani aficionado. Inzamam can call out if a certain Mutton Biryani is cooked to perfection or not. He can tell if a biryani is missing a peculiar spice, be it saffron, cloves, cinnamon or elaichi.

Potato Ul-Haq

However, this story has nothing to do with these pesky spices. Inzamam has been handed a ban from eating biryani for the next 24 hours by local authorities in his neighboring mohalla. Sources have claimed that Inzamam was roaming around his neighborhood in Multan with a Butcher knife. The sight of Inzi running around with a butcher knife meant the kids around were terrified and ran helter-skelter, here-there everywhere. Some kids ran away so hard they bounced off walls and fell back on the ground, thus being exposed to the bare feet of Inzi’s ginormous toes.

The victim here, is a 9 year old goat by the name of Qutubuddin. Qutubuddin is the same goat, who participated in Multan’s famous ‘Goat of the year’ pageant in 2014. After coming up short from winning the prestigious Goat of the year award, Qutubuddin was seen grazing around in the barren fields of Punjab. Unfortunately, for Qutub, Inzi had his eyes on its body. Inzamam ran with his butcher knife, quite like he ran between the wickets when he was run out 24,639 times in his career. Inzamam took a giant leap to get a hold of Qutubuddin. However, Inzamam missed, but not entirely. The knife was far enough in the batting crease and Inzi was able to get the Goat’s eggs for breakfast the next day. Qutubuddin the goat was castrated in bright sunlight and left for dead in Kasai Mohalla, as Inzi picked up the balls and left the pitch.

On lookers remained shocked at the incident and tried to help Qutubuddin to its knees. In spite of lost balls, the goat was able to make it back to its feat. Qutubuddin is now safe in the stomach of local authorities who have imposed a 24 hour ban on Inzamam from eating biryani. Inzi has to make-do with the eggs he snatched from the Goat.

The question beckons, is this the man we want to select our national team? The people of Pakistan are pissed and have to decide if Inzamam should still remain head selector. After all, Inzi castrated a Goat. Cameraman, Kamil Yusuf k saath, Chandnawab, Indus news, Karachi.